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Yes, I have found hope for the Detroit Lions! But first, a look at the development of philosophy throughout the ages:

Ah yes. So I was thinking about how the Detroit Lions could be a good team. And then I lol’d because they fail worse than this:

But, then a thought came to me. They have a couple good receivers, and they have Rudi Johnson as a running back. They’ve had some OK quarterbacks, too, so what’s missing? O YA the coach sucks. Replace him with:

So Bill Cowher makes Daunte Culpepper a good QB again, but he’s old. So Cowher makes him backup after a few games with recently acquired… MATT CASSEL. Did you really think Cassel was just going to watch Tom Brady play next season after how good he did this season? No. Although the Patriots have put a price on him. Then, Charlie Batch gets better so he and Byron Leftwich are both backup QB’s for Big Ben in Pittsburgh. They don’t need Dennis Dixon anymore, so they drop him, to be quickly picked up by the Lions.

Matt Cassel #16, QB

Daunte Culpepper #11, Backup QB, retires after Lions win Super Bowl

Dennis Dixon #2, Third QB (shown in University of Oregon jersey)

So yeah, people reading the Wikipedia on the Lions will see this in a few years:

Super Bowl XLIII: Pittsburgh Steelers (6) over New York Giants

2009 Season
The Lions did so poorly that Aaron Dandrea was able to purchase the team from William Clay Ford. He removed Rod Marinelli as head coach and replaced him with Bill Cowher. The Lions traded Drew Stanton and Drew Henson to the New England Patriots for Matt Cassel (#16), who had refused to play backup QB after starting for all but one game in the 2008 season following the injury to Tom Brady. They also acquired Dennis Dixon (#2) from the Pittsburgh Steelers, who already had three QBs after Charlie Batch returned to the active roster.
Daunte Culpepper (#11) played the first three games of the season, losing the first game to the Green Bay Packers, the second against the Jacksonville Jaguars, and the third to the Chicago Bears.
However, the skill of veteran WR Calvin Johnson (#81) and rookie WR from Oklahoma Manuel Johnson (#84) was noticed, as well as RB Rudi Johnson (#32). After dropping the first three games, Cowher replaced Culpepper with Cassel as starter.
Cassel fared much better, losing only an away game to the Minnesota Vikings and a home game against the Pittsburgh Steelers on Thanksgiving Day. The Lions finished the season 11-5, giving them the division title. However, the Dallas Cowboys had fallen just short of a division victory but had clinched a wild card spot. The Cowboys beat the Lions in the first round of the playoffs, but it was an improvement over the 0-16 season.

Super Bowl XLIV: Indianapolis Colts (3) over Carolina Panthers

2010 Season
Detroit drafted TE Jake Ballard (#87) to replace outgoing TE John Owens, as well as RB “Fast” Chris Wells (#38) to complement Johnson. With these additions to the team, the Lions charged into the 2010 season, losing only to the New England Patriots and twice to the Minnesota Vikings. This was Cassel’s first year as starting QB, with Culpepper as his backup. The Lions finished the season 13-3, easily division champions.
In the divisional playoff game against the Carolina Panthers, Cassel suffered a concussion late in the 3rd quarter and had to be carted off the field. The game was tied at 21-21 and Culpepper ran Rudi Johnson to the 28 yard line. They were forced to make a field goal, but the Panthers could not answer back. In the last minute of the game, Jake Delhomme of the Panthers threw a Hail Mary pass that was intercepted by LaMarcus Hicks (#35) and returned for a touchdown. The Lions won, 31-21. The next week’s game against the New York Giants was even harder; the game was tied 17-17 at the end of regulation and was only won in overtime when the Lions kicked a 55-yard field goal. But the Lions had made it to their first Super Bowl ever, where they defeated the Indianapolis Colts in Super Bowl XLV in an upset 45-10. Cassel was pulled with five minutes left in the game and Culpepper was able to finish the game and throw the final touchdown pass.

Super Bowl XLV: Detroit Lions (1) over Indianapolis Colts

2011 Season
The Lions spent the draft shoring up their defense, which ended up ranking them the #2 defense in the NFL (behind the Steelers). Culpepper had retired following Super Bowl XLV, bumping Dixon up to backup QB and Dan Orlovsky (#6) to third string QB.
Matt Cassel threw for over 4,000 yards this season, second-year RB Wells ran for 1,700 and Johnson for 1,300. The Lions lost only one game, to the Kansas City Chiefs, ending their season at 15-1 and the first seed in the NFL.
Unfortunately, in their final game against the Chicago Bears, Cassel broke his hand and was out for the postseason. Dixon was able to finish the game with a win and even ran for a touchdown, something that was soon to become his trademark. In the divisional round of the playoffs, Dixon was able to lead the Lions to defeat the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. However, they lost the NFC Championship game to the New York Giants.

Super Bowl XLVI: San Diego Chargers (1) over New York Giants

2012 Season
This year, the Lions drafted the best offensive line in the league, and their defense was still #2. Cassel threw for 3,750 yards, Wells ran for 1,500 and Johnson for an additional 1,250. The Lions and their high-powered offense easily crushed every team, winning every game by at least 10 points. This was the second time in NFL history that a team had gone undefeated, and the first that a team had won sixteen games in a season, as the 1972 Miami Dolphins only won fourteen.
The Lions went on in the postseason, beating the Atlanta Falcons 35-3 and the Arizona Cardinals 20-7. In Super Bowl XLVII, the Lions beat the Chargers 38-17.

Super Bowl XLVII: Detroit Lions (2) over San Diego Chargers

12 Responses to “There is hope for the Lions!”

1. Aaron J Says:
   January 6th, 2009 at 12:58 am

   For anyone interested, the source for the intro pic about the development of philosophy is this.

2. Chimmypoo29 Says:
   January 6th, 2009 at 2:50 am

   You are crazy!!!
   We have def already had the discussion that all detroit teams are doomed to suck. Mainly becasue their city is so boring!!!!

3. LeeGratz Says:
   January 6th, 2009 at 12:54 pm

   You, sir, are insane. The Lions will not get Cowher OR Cassel OR Dixon. Haha dream on though

4. dreamingdaisy Says:
   January 8th, 2009 at 12:18 am

   So before I actually read this post I just glanced over it and I read the words on the fail blog thing and thought you were making fun of me again somehow ;)
   As for your Detroit Lions thing-you are moving from fast food to football teams—hmmm….and why does culpepper have to be such a popular name? Anyway…..

5. Leonid V Says:
   January 17th, 2009 at 1:52 pm

   Culpepper is a popular name??

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   October 17th, 2010 at 2:56 am

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