penguinpride

Of course

And for future reference: exploitable penguins.

From hurr

I have compiled a list of the top 45 quarterbacks in the NFL. If you don’t like it, you’re wrong.

Italics indicate a backup QB.

1. Peyton Manning – Indianapolis Colts

2. Ben Roethlisberger – Pittsburgh Steelers

3. Tom Brady – New England Patriots

4. Drew Brees – New Orleans Saints

5. Kurt Warner – Arizona Cardinals

6. Carson Palmer – Cincinnati Bengals
7. Eli Manning – New York Giants

8. Kerry Collins – Tennessee Titans
9. Jay Cutler – Denver Broncos
10. Jake Delhomme – Carolina Panthers
11. Matt Ryan – Atlanta Falcons
12. Matt Cassel – Kansas City Chiefs
13. Matt Hasselbeck – Seattle Seahawks
14. Sage Rosenfels – Minnesota Vikings

15. Chad Pennington – Miami Dolphins
16. Aaron Rodgers – Green Bay Packers
17. Byron Leftwich – Pittsburgh Steelers

18. Matt Schaub – Houston Texans
19. Vince Young – Tennessee Titans
20. Joe Flacco – Baltimore Ravens
21. Tony Romo – Dallas Cowboys
22. Donovan McNabb – Philadelphia Eagles

23. Trent Edwards – Buffalo Bills
24. David Garrard – Jacksonville Jaguars

25. Matt Leinart – Arizona Cardinals
26. Daunte Culpepper – Detroit Lions

27. Shaun Hill – San Francisco 49ers

28. Marc Bulger – St. Louis Rams
29. Brady Quinn – Cleveland Browns
30. Philip Rivers – San Diego Chargers
31. Charlie Batch – Pittsburgh Steelers

32. Jason Campbell – Washington Redskins
33. Kyle Orton – Chicago Bears
34. Seneca Wallace – Seattle Seahawks

35. Kellen Clements – New York Jets
36. Mark Brunell – New Orleans Saints
37. Aaron Brooks – Oakland Raiders
38. Tyler Thigpen – Kansas City Chiefs
39. Joey Harrington – New Orleans Saints
40. Derek Anderson – Cleveland Browns
41. Colt Brennan – Washington Redskins
42. Brodie Croyle – Kansas City Chiefs
43. Luke McCown – Tampa Bay Buccaneers
44. Brian Griese – Tampa Bay Buccaneers
45. Jon Kitna – Dallas Cowboys

Runner up – Dan Orlovsky – Houston Texans

I don’t even know if you read this anymore.

But if you do happy birthday!!

Who’s good on the San Francisco 49ers?

1. Frank Gore (HB)

2. Josh Morgan (WR)

3. Shaun Hill (QB)

4. Dominique Zeigler (WR)

5. Patrick Willis (LB)

6. Michael Lewis (SS)

7. Takeo Spikes (LB)

8. Joe Staley (OT)

…and that’s it.

So we have a 4.5-star RB, a 3-star QB with some upper-echelon-of-mediocrity receivers, an offensive tackle, and a few defensive backs. Sound like the 49ers have a long way to go? Not as long as you may think. Here’s how you can build a champion team from just a handful of good players (RB is required to be good, though).

YEAR 1

1. Start with your running game. It doesn’t take an amazing QB to hand the ball off to a guy. Any QB who can make it into the NFL is going to be able to do this. Instead of confusing the poor guy with pass plays, teach him tricks when handing it off, such as fakes, feigns and reverses.

Here, we see that even J. T. O’Sullivan can manage a handoff to Frank Gore.

2. Work on the offensive line. The best running back in the NFL (Willie Parker) cannot gain a single yard if he is brought down in the backfield. Therefore, we need to draft and sign players who can protect the QB and HB. This season, Andre Smith, who I am still a huge fan of, is up in the draft. The 49ers should go for him.

Andre Smith, already wearing red.

Smith could take the right tackle position, complementing Joe Staley on the left. This would work with the weight complement of the center, David Baas, who will hopefully start more games this season.

Second round: Draft Eric Wood from Louisville. 6′ 4″, 340 lbs, with big strong hands. Put him at guard. He can start as a rookie.

Third round: Duke Robinson from Oklahoma. He’s 6′ 4″ with 335 lbs. Put him at the other guard position. Have him play behind Eric Heitmann, but only for a little while. Maximum of one season.

With that draft, the O-line looks something like this:

LT – Joe Staley, 3rd season.

LG -Eric Heitmann, 8th season.  Backup = Duke Robinson, rookie.

C – David Baas, 5th season.

RG – Eric Wood, rookie.

RT – Andre Smith, rookie.

3. Train that FB to be a FB. Nobody uses fullbacks correctly anymore. Fullbacks are supposed to be big, huge men who can smash through D-lines for about 5 yards at a time or so. Too many teams rely on their smaller, faster halfbacks to make the big runs, as they should. But your small fast halfback doesn’t have as much chance on that 3rd and 4 as your fullback.

Currently, the 49ers’ FB is Moran Norris, who just came off a season of hell on the Detroit Lions. He got one carry all season for just one yard. Looking at his 2006 stats, he made 2 runs for 8 yards for an average of 4. And on both those runs, he scored touchdowns. THAT is how you are supposed to use a fullback.

However it seems since then he has been slipping. This is his 9th season, I’m guessing he’s almost done. He may have 3 more in him. I have faith that he can be coached back up to (and beyond) his old standards, especially with Coach Mike Singletary. This is the player to focus on this year.

Norris, back in the day.

YEAR 2

1. Defensive secondary. Now that you can move the ball on the ground, it’s time to stop the other team from moving the ball through the air. An effective passing offense is more potent than an effective rushing offense. The ball can cover a lot more ground. So, work on OLB’s, corners, and safeties this year… take on the D-line later.

Luckily, the 49ers have two decent corners: Nate Clements and Walt Harris. Both are former Pro Bowlers. But when you look for new corners, it’s best to pick insanely fast men who are either very tall or have a very good vertical jump.

Now, one of the few good people on the team was SS Michael Lewis. This year, the 49ers should use their undoubtedly high draft pick on USC’s Taylor Mays. Insert that beast at free safety and watch your offense start coming on the field at unexpected times.

Taylor Mays

No relation.

2. It might be a good time to look for a GOOD backup QB. Not a crappy guy you hope will stay on the sideline his whole career. Look for the next Ben Roethlisberger.

YEAR 3

1. Bribe the worst team in the league with a 1, 2, or 3 draft pick to give it to you, in exchange for their spot. For example, give the Raiders your first and third-round picks in exchange for their first. What you’re looking for is the top WR in the draft. Let’s say, Chris Tolliver from LSU.

Tolliver.

One of the nation’s top wide receivers … Has some of the best feet and acceleration of any receiver in his class… Plays excellent in space and has ability to be a dangerous returner… Shows tremendous toughness catching passes over the middle and has excellent body control … Rated 11th best wide receiver in the nation by ESPN.com and listed as the best deep threat prospect in high school football by Rivals.com … Listed as the No. 1 college prospect by Rivals.com … Named to the Atlanta Journal Constitution’s Super Southern 100, New Orleans Times Picayune’s Blue-Chip List, Mobile Press-Register’s Super Southeast 120 and the Baton Rouge Advocate’s Super Dozen… … Had 54 catches for 697 yards and seven touchdowns during his senior season… Also added 238 yards rushing and two touchdowns on just 11 carries in 2007… As a junior, was named first-team all-state after he caught 76 passes for 1,521 yards and 17 touchdowns… Timed at 4.40 in the 40-yard dash… Coached by Bo Barton…Born on April 10, 1989.

- LSU Sports

2. Use the 2nd or 4th round to pick up a TE. Look for big guys. Jason Dosh (JMU) sounds like a winner at 6-5, 240 lb.

3. Seize another WR using a later-round pick. Just for the sake of argument, let’s say Hakeem Moore. But try to get a tall, fast receiver with big strong hands. 7 feet tall is good.

Moore, who is not seven feet tall.

4. Introduce your QB to some passing plays. The past years, Hill has been using almost exclusively running plays, with an occasional basic passing play. Now, we start opening up the passing playbook. Defenses around the league, particularly in the NFC West, will be thrown off balance, as they have come to expect the run constantly from San Francisco.

“OMG”      – the other team

Now that Hill has a variety of receivers to pass to, the depth chart may go something like this:

WR1 – Josh Morgan, 4th season.

WR2 – Dominique Zeigler, 4th season.

WR3 – Chris Tolliver, rookie.

WR4 – Hakeem Moore, rookie.

TE1 – Vernon Davis, 6th season.

TE2 – Jason Dosh, rookie.

YEAR 4

1. Draft defensive linemen. Now the only thing missing is your defensive line. The good players are getting old. But the worse problem is the fact that there are two gaping holes, at both tackle positions.

This is going to be the 2012 draft, so pick Marcus Forston in the first round and Omar Hunter in the second. Third – Lorenzo Edwards and fourth – Don’ta Hightower. Obviously these names are going to change by then, but the point is to fill those empty tackle positions, then go for the positions held by your oldest linemen first.

If (somehow) all those names match up (and you draft Adewale Ojomo in the 5th round) then your D-line will look like this:

LOLB – Patrick Willis, 6th season. Backup = Lorenzo Edwards, rookie.

LE – Aubrayo Franklin, 10th season. Backup = Adewale Ojomo, rookie.

LT – Omar Hunter, rookie.

MLB – Isaac Sopoaga, 9th season.

RT – Marcus Forston, rookie.

RE – Justin Smith, 12th season.

ROLB – Takeo Spikes, 15th season. Backup = Don’ta Hightower, rookie.

2. Super Bowl XLVII.

So finally, someone has risen to become FIFA Champion.

A FIFA Champion is considered to be someone who leads everyone in games won by at least one game, in addition to leading one person by at least two games.

1. Mike vs. Aaron   1-0 (leads by at least 1)

2. Mike vs. Andrew   8-4 (leads by at least 2)

3. Mike vs. Alan   7-6 (leads by at least 1)

So now Mike is the Champion. His record is 16-10, his win percentage is .615, and he is on the longest winning streak in our history (5 games, which is more than enough for a hot streak).

As for me, ever since my embarassing loss to a half-star team and my goalie scoring on himself, wrapping up a 14-game losing streak, I deceided to remain inactive until March 23. I made one exception at a party a couple days ago, to a guy who claimed he sucked at the game.

He was lying. I’m now on a 15-game losing streak (except against our league I’m only on a 4-game losing streak, which is enough for our only cold streak in history).

Our FIFA league stats

In other news, I want an Xbox 360. And the following games for it:

1. Madden 10
2. NHL 10
3. NBA Live 10

Which would leave these for the PS2:

1. FIFA 09
2. MVP Baseball 05
3. Rock Band
4. Guitar Hero II
5. GH III
6. GH World Tour

I don’t think I’m going to buy any guitar/drum crap for the Xbox though. That shit was expensive.

North

1. Minnesota Vikings 11-5. All the Vikings need is a good QB, and they’re a Super Bowl team. Tarvaris Jackson is a good QB, but he’s Charlie Batch-level good.

Jackson would be a great backup, preferably to Jay Cutler. If the Vikings could possibly manage to get Cutler, he’d complete the team. However, he’ll likely just stay put in Denver, in which case Minnesota will have to rely on the likes of Sage Rosenfels.

Broncos blew it with Jay Cutler blunder (FOX Sports)
Could Cutler be Vikings next target? (Minneapolis Star-Tribune)
The Minnesota Vikings Need Jay Cutler (Bleacher Report)

2. Chicago Bears 8-8. The Bears have a crappy passing game, mostly because of their lack of a QB. Their run is good, however. Rex Grossman is gone now, so they should be looking for a QB.

Rex Grossman: A Bear no more

The Bears end up beating the Lions twice in the season, putting them higher in the division.

3. Detroit Lions 8-8. With the Lions picking up a couple 4-star receivers, corner Anthony Henry from the Cowboys, and armed with two first-round draft picks, they will make a comeback this next season. Daunte Culpepper will start for the Lions, while Matthew Stafford will serve as backup and might pull a Roethlisberger if injury-prone Culpepper takes a fall.

4. Green Bay Packers 6-10. The Packers have some talent. But no stars. And even the Lions are picking up more talent than them this season. They will pick up Malcolm Jenkins, a CB from Ohio State; he could become their best player.

Do they have a hope? Yes. Jason Taylor, freshly cut from the Redskins. But that just makes a nice defense. Aaron Rodgers is a mediocre QB. And he can’t carry a crappy offense by himself.

My Latest Top 10 Draft Picks

South

1. New Orleans Saints 9-7. The Saints could potentially have the most powerful offense in the league. They have one great QB (Brees), and a great backup (Brunell).  They have receiver Marques Colston, runner Reggie Bush, and kicker Joey Grammatica.

But it’s the fact that they should probably go for Terrell Owens, just released from the Dallas Cowboys, to complete a wonderful offense. Will it happen? Probably not. But it should.

And, LaDainian Tomlinson might be going to the Saints as well. All the better for New Orleans.

2. Atlanta Falcons 8-8. Matt Ryan, good QB. Michael Turner, good RB. Roddy White, great WR.

Other than that, they’ve got a bunch of mediocre players. They’re no 2008 Lions, but they’re no 2008 Steelers either.

3. Carolina Panthers 8-8. Carolina is one of two teams with a huge warning sign attatched to them. WARNING! Your team is expiring! It’s in danger of going downhill fast in 5 seasons or less.

Why? Their defense is mediocre, and aside from running backs, their offense is aging, especially Jake Delhomme. His performance in the playoffs last year was awful. I see the Panthers start to slip this year. In the 2013 NFL season, they will hit the bottom of their division. I’m calling it right now.

4. Tampa Bay Buccanneers 3-13. The Bucs will be Bucs. Who’s good on their team?

Eh?

East

1. New York Giants 10-6. The Giants simply have too many good players right now to NOT be a good team. And all they really need are their franchise anchoring offensive dream-team: 4th best QB in the NFL Eli Manning and former Steelers WR Plaxico Burress.

2. Philadelphia Eagles 8-8. The Eagles have Donovan McNabb, one of the former greats who is now past his prime but still manages to pull off a great game or two (not unlike Daunte Culpepper). They also have Brian Westbrook, Pennsylvania’s second-best RB (behind Willie Parker, barely beating out Mewelde Moore).

However, they have lost their defense (AKA Brian Dawkins) and now have to settle for a shitty substitute from the Browns, Sean Jones. The defense won’t be good, and will be in the bottom half of the league in all defensive stats this season. However, there might be a glimmer of offense.

3. Washington Redskins 7-9. The Redskins were once great. Then they sucked. Then their defense rose to the top 10 in the league. And now, they’ve all been cut. Cornelius Griffin is the last good player left on their defense. Demetric Evans is gone too, and now Jason Taylor has been cut.

They had better hope that $100,000,000 deal with Titans strongman Albert Haynesworth pays off.

Oh I just want to say this. As a Penguins fan, I am not a fan of Chris Cooley and his bloated ego. (I bet Sidney Crosby would make a far better TE, it’s just a matter of who’s the better athlete.) Speaking of bloated ego, anyone hear about how much better he “is” than Jason Witten?

Chris Cooley, catch a pass. Until then, STFU.

And Jason Campbell! I like you. You’re a good guy. But just another in a string of young Washington QB’s who will never realize their full potential due to bad coaching. Sure, Jim Zorn is changing things, and I believe it’s for the better. But Jason, you’re still a bad QB.

I hope you can develop so you can crush the Cowboys and top the Eagles and ever-annoying Giants in your division. Your team deserves it… you just need to trim your bush a bit (starting with Cooley).

And BTW World, calling Colt Brennan “the next Tom Brady” is jumping the gun just a bit, don’t you think?

4. Dallas Cowboys 6-10. The Cowboys needed quite a few players in quite a few positions to be good. Now that they’ve dropped some of their greatest, they need even more. This is how teams fall to bottoms of divisions.

Cowboys cut Terrell Owens. They lost Roy Williams. And now they traded Anthony Henry to the Lions.

Good luck picking up the pieces of this mess.

West

1. Seattle Seahawks 12-4. The Seahawks start out with a four-star offense. Matt Hasselbeck is a 4-star QB. And now… they’ve re-signed Ray Willis. And signed TJ Houshmandzadeh.

PLUS they’ve got a high draft pick… and they’re looking to sign this year’s top WR, Michael Crabtree. They will have such a high-powered offense that it will be hard to stop.

2. Arizona Cardinals 9-7. The Cardinals got Kurt Warner back. And Bryant McFadden jumped ship from the Steelers to join them and be a major plus to their defense. But they may lose Anquon Boldin. Last season was the pinnacle for the Cardinals. They will only go downhill from here and one day soon, fade into obscurity. But that won’t happen quite yet, not with all the stars they still have.

3. San Francisco 49ers 4-12. These guys have nothing but Frank Gore, and there’s not even a good backup in case he goes down.

4. St. Louis Rams 2-14 suck.

So the other day, Andrew and I went and bought NHL 09, NBA Live 09, and FIFA 09. (We already had Madden 09.) And I have grown to hate it with a passion.

Despite how much I diss myself in regards to tennis, I’m not so bad. But when playing tennis on the Wii, I absolutely suck. So I figured, since I really do suck at soccer, I might be good at the video game.

I was wrong.

As you can see here, I have the  worst record of everyone here. I have the same amount of losses as Alan, but he has three times the number of wins.

And then there’s my dismal record against the computer. I always play as a 5-star team. Here is my record so far against the computer on various levels:

• 1/2 star, 1-1
• 1 star, 1-0
• 1 1/2 stars, 1-1
• 2 stars, 1-1
• 2 1/2 stars, 1-1
• 3 stars, 1-0
• 3 1/2 stars, 1-3

AHHHHHH!! I CAN’T EVEN BEAT A 3.5 STAR TEAM?! How will I ever beat Mike (who tackes everyone but manages to never get penalized) or Alan (who gets lucky every time)? It’s going to be next to impossible. I think I’m going to retire… but I’ll give myself a chance first. If I lose to a 3.5 star computer team and then Andrew and then Alan and then Mike, I will retire because my life will be forfeit.

About as forfeit as your life if you are caught with a motor vehicle in Antarctica.

So basically I’m hopeless at the game.   :(