penguinpride

Several teams in the NFL could use a switch at the quarterback position, whether the need is immediate or impending (before the start of next season). Here is that list, in reverse order according to need.

As I have mentioned before, Jason Campbell has shown that he was talent. But he has talent in short spurts. He’d make one of the league’s best backup quarterbacks, but what Washington needs is a competant starter. What the Week 6 game againt the Kansas City Chiefs showed was the usual failure of Campbell, who was benched at halftime. However, his replacement, Todd Collins, showed that he was simply incompetant. The result is the realization that Washington has NO GOOD STARTERS. As they have nothing to trade to another team, they are forced into signing a free agent. So who could they sign to start?

1. Jeff Garcia. As I mentioned in the section about the Raiders, Jeff Garcia is a talented veteran who has shown that he can still make great plays. He filled in well while a backup with the Eagles, and played great in the preseason with the Raiders. He could easily start and is the best QB in free agency.

2. Gus Frerotte. This man is probably the only other free agent who could jump into a new team and start for them. He’s in his waning years, but he had a great year with the Vikings last year, going 9-3 as a starter before falling to an injury.

3. Tyler Palko. This man has so much talent. He’s worth trying as a starter. Plus, if he proves himself, he could be a franchise QB. (Then Campbell, in the last year of his contract, could back up Ben Roethlisberger in Pittsburgh!)

In a related issue, here are three teams who DO NOT need a new QB.

2. Buffalo Bills. Trent Edwards is a great quarterback. True, he is injured. But Ryan Fitzpatrick has proven that he is a capable backup. And if he falls, there’s Gibran Hamdan to try out. The problem isn’t at QB in Buffalo; the problem is trying to play 1990′s football in the late 2000′s.

3. Tampa Bay Buccaneers. This may be a surprise to some, that the 0-7 Bucs don’t have a QB problem. But they don’t. They have a coaching problem. There is no excuse for a team with this amount of talent to be winless. QB’s Byron Leftwich and Josh Johnson are very talented in their own ways.

Last week I was just kidding about 50% of my picks. This week it’s no joke.

Houston Texans (2-3) @ Cincinnati Bengals (4-1). This is the week to see if the Bengals are for real. So far they’ve beaten easy teams and division teams. What will happen when they come up against an explosive team from the south, who beat them 35-6 last year? Another win for the Texans. This is also an important game for Houston, to see if they can pull off any consistent offense, or if their wins this season were just flukes.

Detroit Lions (1-4) @ Green Bay Packers (2-2). If Daunte Culpepper starts for the Lions, they have a great chance of winning. The Packers may have an impressive series record, but here’s two key stats that are game-changers. The Packers have given up 20 sacks this season, the most in the NFL, and that’s including an early bye. Secondly, Culpepper has 14 touchdows and no picks in his last five games against the Packers. This is a close Lions win.

St. Louis Rams (0-5) @ Jacksonville Jaguars (2-3). The Jaguars are a team that has two modes: on (where David Garrard throws over 300 yards and Maurice Jones-Drew owns the field) and off (where they are shut out by 40+ points). St. Louis is a team that fails miserably and turns the ball over just when you think they might stop failing just for a second. I say the Jaguars are coming from an off week and so will turn it on against the Rams.

Baltimore Ravens (3-2) @ Minnesota Vikings (5-0). Baltimore is a good, strong team on both sides of the ball. Minnesota is a better, stronger team. There is no place on the field where the Ravens have an edge. Still, this will be a tough, close game, and yet a Vikings win.

New York Giants (5-0) @ New Orleans Saints (5-0). In the battle of the undefeated teams (and possibly a foreshadowing of the NFC Championship game), I honestly don’t know who to pick. Both teams have strong quarterbacks, offenses and defenses. I think the Giants defense is slightly better, but I’m still picking the Saints to win it at home.

Cleveland Browns (1-4) @ Pittsburgh Steelers (3-2). Some could make the argument that the Bengals game proved that the Steelers cannot be too overconfident in division games. However, Cincy really IS that good. Cleveland, not at all. Now their best receiver is Josh Cribbs, and he’s a B-grade receiver. Plus the Steelers get back Troy Polamalu AND Willy Parker this week. Easy Steelers win.

Carolina Panthers (1-3) @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-5). The nice thing about two horrible teams playing each other is that somebody ends up with a win. This week, it will be the Bucs. And this may be the last year for John Fox in Carolina. (Bill Cowher?)

Kansas City Chiefs (0-5) @ Washington Redskins (2-3). I keep forgetting the Redskins are 2-3 and not 0-5, the way they’ve been playing. The team is extremely demoralized and it’s the owership’s fault for not giving a straight answer on head coach Jim Zorn’s future. The Redskins have a huge amount of talent, but players like QB Jason Campbell and CB DeAngelo Hall are actually regressing while everyone else are simply stagnant. Owner Daniel Snyder will likely fire Zorn after losing to the Chiefs, as he should.

But, he does have cool hair.

Philadelphia Eagles (3-1) @ Oakland Raiders (1-4). JaMarcus Russell will amazingly be able to throw the ball to his own team AND not fumble it. Meanwhile, pressure on Philadelphia QB Donovan McNabb will keep him from throwing consistently. This therefore becomes a surprising upset win for the Raiders.

Other games:

Arizona Cardinals < Seattle Seahawks

Tennessee Titans < New England Patriots

Buffalo Bills < New York Jets

Chicago Bears < Atlanta Falcons

Denver Broncos > San Diego Chargers

To contrast with the five starters that should be backups, here is a list of five backup quarterbacks who could easily start for a team in the NFL, in reverse order:

5. Kevin Kolb (Philadelphia Eagles)

He started two games while Donovan McNabb was out, and had phenomenal games. The first game he completed 60.8% of his passes for 391 yards and two touchdowns. The second game, he completed 70.6% of his passes for 327 yards. Two more touchdowns. No picks.

4. Byron Leftwich (Tampa Bay Buccaneers)

He looked bad in the first three games with Tampa Bay, because the team is horrible, mainly the offensive line. You have to look at his years with Jacksonville, or his year with Pittsburgh just last season to know this guy makes a great quarterback. All he needs is a strong o-line and he’s deadly. Put him in a team like the Denver Broncos; I think he’d do better than Kyle Orton.

3. Seneca Wallace (Seattle Seahawks)

This guy is regularly called upon to replace an oft-injured Matt Hasselbeck, or even alongside Hasselbeck in a wildcat formation. Wallace is accurate and mobile as well. He’d make a great starter for a team with great receivers but a struggling offensive line.

2. Sage Rosenfels (Minnesota Vikings)

Sage Rosenfels is good. He was the best QB the Texans had ever seen, even including the early days of the Matt Schaub era. The Vikings entrusted their season’s success to him this year, although the second coming of Brett Favre has put a hold on the Rosenfels era. But Tarvaris Jackson should NOT start. Rosenfels should. After Favre is done for good, of course.

1. Daunte Culpepper (Detroit Lions)

I honestly don’t know why the Lions chose to start rookie Matthew Stafford this year. They are setting him up for failure. And the numbers show that Culpepper is much better: Stafford has thrown 3 TD’s and 6 picks. Culpepper 1 and 1. Stafford took 10 sacks against the Redskins and Bears. Culpepper took 7 against the Steelers. Against the Saints in week 1, Stafford completed 43.2% of his passes. Against a better defense, the Steelers, Culpepper completed 62.2% of his passes. Daunte Culpepper is not the beast he used to be in Minnesota, but he’s still a starter.

In the NFL, there are several starting quarterbacks who should, frankly, not be starting, in reverse order.

5. Jake Delhomme (Carolina Panthers)

Jake Delhomme?? How can he be on this list? Well he’s got a lot of talent, but can’t seem to make completions, unless it’s to the other team. His biggest remaining strength is his skill in the two minute drill. But Delhomme is 34 and is not the same quarterback who went to Super Bowl XXXVIII. He has the skill to be a mean backup, but not a powerful starter.

4. Marc Bulger (St. Louis Rams)

Marc Bulger has never been excellent, but he made a passable attempt at filling the shoes of Kurt Warner, who led the Rams to two Super Bowls. However, now it seems like Bulger has lost whatever superstar ability he may have once had. He still has talent, as backups should, but he doesn’t have that game-maker quality.

3. Jason Campbell (Washington Redskins)

Jason Campbell is a talented quarterback, but not talented enough. Watching him in these beginning weeks of the 2009 season proves this. So far he has thrown for 6 TD’s and 5 picks, just one interception short of his total from last season. He has also fumbled the ball eight times, already more than last year. Campbell has the skill to be a good quarterback, but I wouldn’t start him if I owned the Redskins.

2. JaMarcus Russell (Oakland Raiders)

JaMarcus Russell was the first-overall draft pick in 2007. So far, he has thrown for 16 touchdowns, 16 interceptions, and 3,302 yards. So he averages about 1/2 touchdown per game, and about 100 yards. Why? Because he’s simply a big man with a big arm, and no accuracy. Perhaps if he had the best quarterbacks coach in the league, he MIGHT improve. Right now, he’s just a big draft bust who is costing the Raiders a lot of money.

1. Matthew Stafford (Detroit Lions)

WHY IS HE STARTING?? Daunte Culpepper is oh so much better than Stafford. Stafford has thrown 3 TD’s and 6 picks. Culpepper 1 and 1. Stafford took 10 sacks against the Redskins and Bears. Culpepper took 7 against the Steelers. Against the Saints in week 1, Stafford completed 43.2% of his passes. Against a better defense, the Steelers, Culpepper completed 62.2% of his passes. Get the idea? Stafford should sit on the side for a season or two and learn from Daunte Culpepper; otherwise he’s going to flop like Joey Harrington.

I debating putting both Josh Johnson of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Kerry Collins of the Tennessee Titans on the list, but Johnson hasn’t started long enough to convince me he’s not a worthy starter, and I’m not convinced quarterback is the problem of the Titans.

Who’s going to win in Week 5? I know. And you don’t.

Cincinnati Bengals (3-1) @ Baltimore Ravens (3-1). As I mentioned in the power rankings, the ’09 Ravens look like the ’05 Steelers in both offense and defense, and the ’05 Steelers won a Super Bowl. I’m picking the Ravens because I believe the Bengals’ early success to be a fluke. They have had success through the air, so they’re going to go there in hopes that they can win. Unfortunately this strategy does not work against the Ravens defense.

Cleveland Browns (0-4) @ Buffalo Bills (1-3). What do you call it when a team has talent but it gets shipped off somewhere else? The Pittsburgh Pirates. Actually it’s called BAD OWNERSHIP. Who in their right mind would hire Eric Mangini right after he gets fired? Mangini didn’t lead the Jets to 9-7, the team’s raw talent did that all by themselves. Braylon Edwards was their best player, and now he’s on the Jets, as if they needed a stud receiver. Buffalo is not horrible, they’ve had a hard schedule though. They almost beat the Patriots in Week 1. I’m going with the Bills.

Washington Redskins (2-2) @ Carolina Panthers (0-3). If Jason Campbell can play like he did in the second half of the Tampa Bay game, this one goes to Washington. If Jake Delhomme can hook up with Steve Smith without getting picked off, this one goes to Carolina. So which scenario is more likely? Given the Redskins’ horrible coaching, I doubt Campbell can repeat last week’s success and the Panthers will win this game.

Pittsburgh Steelers (2-2) @ Detroit Lions (1-3). This will be the first meeting between Larry Foote and his former team. The Lions are much improved since last year, but they are not good enough to take on the Steelers’ explosive offense. Steelers CB Ike Taylor will be matched up against WR Calvin Johnson, and a safety should always double team him, because there are no other viable receivers for Daunte Culepper/Matt Stafford. The Steelers take this one easily, even without Willie Parker and Troy Polamalu.

Dallas Cowboys (2-2) @ Kansas City Chiefs (0-4). I don’t know why the Chiefs released their two best defensive players. But they have Matt Cassel, Dwayne Bowe, and Larry Johnson on offense. They still have a decent team. So do the Cowboys, but Tony Romo has been failing lately. Although I like the Chiefs in general and think they have more talent than they’re showing, the Cowboys will win this game.

Oakland Raiders (1-3) @ New York Giants (4-0). This game features the Oakland Raiders, playing at the home of the New York Giants. Based on that information alone, the Giants win.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-4) @ Philadelphia Eagles (2-1). This will be the game that Tampa Bay pulls it all together. Aqib Talib will have 3 or 4 picks on Donovan McNabb, and Michael Vick will gain no yards whatsoever. On the other side of the ball, Josh Johnson will pass and run all over the field. What Tampa Bay should do is run the wildcat with Josh Johnson, and Byron Leftwich in the slot. I think the Buccaneers will get their first win today.

Minnesota Vikings (4-0) @ St. Louis Rams (0-4). See the entry for the Raiders and Giants above. Hence, the Vikings win.

Atlanta Falcons (2-1) @ San Francisco 49ers (3-1). The Falcons’ pass offense has been mysteriously bad, considering they have Matt Ryan and Tony Gonzalez. You can’t have a major part of your game sucking against San Francisco. Their running game has always been good with Frank Gore, but now Shaun Hill is playing with great skill, and they’re going to edge out Atlanta. This is a 49ers win.

Houston Texans (2-2) @ Arizona Cardinals (1-2). The Cardinals’ offense has taken a step back since last year. QB Kurt Warner is on the decline, and former offensive coordinator Todd Haley is now head coach of the Chiefs. Adding to the Cardinals’ woes are three key injuries: WR Steve Breaston, DT Darnell Dockett, and CB Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie are all questionable for Sunday’s game. For the Texans, neither Matt Schaub or Steve Slaton have anything wrong with them at all. The Texans‘ offense will explode this week and down the Cardinals.

New England Patriots (3-1) @ Denver Broncos (4-0). Tom Brady’s play is improving, but he’s still not quite up to normal. The Patriots defense this year is mediocre this year. Denver, on the other hand, has a powerful offense and defense. Their weakest position may be at quarterback, but he’s behind a five-star offensive line. The Broncos are going to win this and go 5-0.

Jacksonville Jaguars (2-2) @ Seattle Seahawks (1-3). Seattle’s pass defense is awful. With the way Jaguars QB David Garrard played last week, that is bad news for Seahawks fans. The Jaguars are going to light it up with Garrard, Maurice Jones-Drew, and CB Derek Cox. Matt Hasselbeck has been unable to get any offense going, mostly because he’s been injured, as usual. Therefore, I’m picking the Jaguars to continue their streak and the Seahawks to continue their slide.

Indianapolis Colts (4-0) @ Tennessee Titans (0-4). The Titans’ team suddenly began to fail this year. What happened to the #3 defense of last year? Their run defense is mediocre at best, and their pass defense is horrendous. This does not bode well when facing the #1 quarterback in the league, Peyton Manning, who has found a new receiver in Pierre Garcon. When the Colts’ greatest strength is matched up against the Titans’ greatest weakness, you get a blowout. Peyton Manning is just playing better and better. This is an easy Colts victory.

New York Jets (3-1) @ Miami Dolphins (1-3). The Jets are so stacked this year it’s not even funny. A top 5 defense under new head coach Rex Ryan, with a 4-star offensive line protecting the best rookie QB this year, Mark Sanchez, who now has WR Braylon Edwards to throw to, in case he gets bored with Jericho Cotchery. Miami QB Chad Henne is not very good, and the wildcat will fail against the New York defense. This is a Jets win.

Standings after Week 4:

AFC North

1. Baltimore Ravens (4-1)
2. Cincinnati Bengals (3-2)
3. Pittsburgh Steelers (3-2)
4. Cleveland Browns (0-5)

AFC South

1. Indianapolis Colts (5-0)
2. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-2)
3. Houston Texans (3-2)
4. Tennessee Titans (0-5)

AFC East

1. New York Jets (4-1)
2. New England Patriots (3-2)
3. Buffalo Bills (2-3)
4. Miami Dolphins (1-4)

AFC West

1. Denver Broncos (5-0)
2. San Diego Chargers (2-2)
3. Oakland Raiders (1-4)
4. Kansas City Chiefs (0-5)

NFC North

1. Minnesota Vikings (5-0)
2. Chicago Bears (3-1)
3. Green Bay Packers (2-2)
4. Detroit Lions (1-4)

NFC South

1. New Orleans Saints (4-0)
2. Atlanta Falcons (2-2)
3. Carolina Panthers (1-3)
4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-4)

NFC East

1. New York Giants (5-0)
2. Dallas Cowboys (3-2)
3. Philadelphia Eagles (2-2)
4. Washington Redskins (2-3)

NFC West

1. San Francisco 49ers (4-1)
2. Arizona Cardinals (1-3)
3. Seattle Seahawks (1-4)
4. St. Louis Rams (0-5)

Following Week 4 in the NFL, I figured it’s high time to compile Penguin Pride’s power rankings.

1. New York Giants (4-0)

The Giants are such a powerhouse team. Eli Manning is the #6 quarterback in the NFL, have a 5-star offensive line, and a terrific defense. If the Giants don’t make the playoffs, it will be because their entire starting lineup gets injured. They play in a division that isn’t particularly easy, unless you’re the Giants. Six automatic wins (division games) is great to have no matter who you are. And they’re already 4-0, and only one of those games was an easy division game.

2. Indianapolis Colts (4-0)

This team has proven that YES THEY CAN survive without Marvin Harrison. Peyton Manning is the #1 quarterback in the league for a reason. He makes average wide recievers look good. He makes good wide receivers look like Hall of Famers. Their defense is actually pretty mediocre, but this team can be carried by a powerful offense.

3. New Orleans Saints (4-0)

Drew Brees is a monster when it comes to passing. Back in 2005/2006 I felt the same way about him that I now do about JaMarcus Russell: all cannon, no precision. But then he developed accuracy; the only thing missing was a defense. But now they have a killer defensive line, led by Will Smith, and new acquisition from the Vikings: safety Darren Sharper. The Saints are dangerous and have a chance at the NFC Championship.

4. Minnesota Vikings (4-0)

Who says that Brett Favre can’t throw anymore? Who says he doesn’t make a difference? Who says all he does is hand it off to Adrian Peterson? Whoever that is, eat your foot right now because all these things are proven wrong, if not in Week 3 vs. the 49ers (last second touchdown magic) then certainly in the epic Monday Night game against the Packers. The Williams brothers are still playing, and their defense is solid. Are the Vikings Super Bowl material? It looks that way… at Week 4.

5. Denver Broncos (4-0)

Originally, I saw a team with no defense whatsoever, a joke quarterback who played like shit with the Bears a year previously, and a rookie head coach whose bumbling ways cost his team their franchise QB. But in a perfect case of the value of the whole being greater than the sum of the parts, all those horrible parts have worked to create an almost scary fraternal bond (players love a young head coach!!) and a top five defense. I had completely forgot that Champ Bailey was on their team until the Cowboys game. This is a surprise, but the Broncos look unstoppable.

6. New York Jets (3-1)

Mark Sanchez has Rookie of the Year written all over him. Everyone makes mistakes, and the fact that Sanchez can admit that he cost his team 14 points in their loss to New Orleans means that his personality is the stuff of the Hall of Fame. The Jets defense is top 5 this year with Rex Ryan heading the team, and Bart Scott at MLB. And we haven’t even seen Braylon Edwards play at WR yet. I smell a Super Bowl … in the next few years.

7. Baltimore Ravens (3-1)

You know who the 2009 Ravens remind me of? The 2005 Steelers. Here we have a team, renowned for its defense, suddenly get a quarterback last year (Roethlisberger for the Steelers in 2004, Flacco for the Ravens in 2008). And now an insane running game with a sick tandem (Jerome Bettis, Willie Parker, Duce Staley for the Steelers and Ray Rice, Willis McGahee, Le’ron McClain for the Ravens) makes these teams very tough. For some reason in their loss to the Patriots, the Ravens decided not to use the ground game much and passed nearly every play. This likely led to their defeat in that game. However they have no doubt learned from their mistakes and are a force to be reckoned with in the AFC.

8. San Francisco 49ers (3-1)

First off let me point out that I laid out a plan for the 49ers last year. First year focused on offense. What has rocketed the 49ers to what would have been a 4-0 start had it not been for Brett Favre being Brett Favre? THE OFFENSE. Shaun Hill has decided not to play like Alex Smith and more like Steve Young. Can Hill lead the 49ers to another Super Bowl dynasty? Probably not, but I do believe he can lead his team to at least one. He’s got some time left in his career; he’s really not all that old yet. And the 49ers are in the weakest division in the entire league, with the Cardinals playing weak and the Seahawks and Rams playing … predictably. These guys are division champ material, mark my words.

9. Pittsburgh Steelers (2-2)

The Steelers may be 2-2, but one of those losses was due to a bad kicker. Still, a loss is a loss, and the Steelers need to work on 4th quarter defense. During the first half of any Steelers game, Pittsburgh dominates. However, the final half is where the defense starts to falter then tends to fail completely. The return of Troy Polamalu will surely help, but the defense needs to work on this huge problem area. However, the Steelers seem to have finally solved their problem of a lack of a running game. Willie Parker is fast, but all you have to do as a defense is run flats and have your MLB wait in the middle. There needs to be a complement: a power back. Jerome Bettis was such a runner, but he is with the Steelers no more. Rashard Mendenhall was drafted in the first round of 2008 in hopes that he could fill those shoes, but he has failed to deliver until Week 4 against the Chargers. The Steelers are definitely repeat material. They just need to fight for division supremacy in the surprisingly competitive AFC North.

10. Chicago Bears (3-1)

Even taking into account the early success of the Denver Broncos, you cannot say that Chicago got the worse end of the deal. Jay Cutler was Denver’s star quarterback, and now he’s starting to shine in Chicago, despite sloppy play in Week 1 vs. Green Bay. He is still getting used to the Bears receivers, but once the offense develops, they will be an insane force in the NFC North. In addition, they also have a top 10 defense.

11. Atlanta Falcons (2-1)

Last year, two rookie quarterbacks made a big splash in the NFL: Joe Flacco and Matt Ryan. We figured one would take a step back this year. I predicted Flacco. Instead, it was Ryan. Ryan isn’t playing poorly, but he’s not playing at his 2008 levels. I’m sure he’ll come through, but this is just a reflection of how he’s played in the first four weeks. Tony Gonzales is a great addition to this team that was already pretty good to begin with. The only downfall for the Falcons this year is the fact that they’re in a division with the Saints. This will hold them to a position where they have to fight for a wild card spot, likely against the Bears and Packers.

12. New England Patriots (3-1)

The Patriots defense went from great to mediocre with retirements and injuries. They still have great receivers, but unfortunately Tom Brady IS NOT what he was last year. He throws horribly off-target passes most of the game. Remember that if it had not been for a clumsy special-teams mistake, the Pats would have lost to the Bills in Week 1, and they were one complete pass away from losing to the Ravens in Week 4. Remember the Jets handed their asses to them in Week 2. So New England is lucky to be at 3-1 and not 1-3. Will they win their division? Not against the Jets. Do they have wild card potential? Yes, but only if they hold their own division, plus the super-competitive AFC North at bay.

13. Cincinnati Bengals (3-1)

This is one of the top 3 biggest surprises this year. Who would have expected the Bengals to be first place in the AFC North? This is a division usually dominated by the Steelers and Ravens, with the Bengals and Browns performing like trash. The Bengals have talent, though, and having the 7th best quarterback in the league, Carson Palmer, definitely helps, especially when you have receivers like Laverneus Coles and Chad Ochocinco. I don’t see the Bengals winning this division, but if they manage to beat the Ravens this week they may have a chance at the wild card.

14. Philadelphia Eagles (2-1)

The Eagles are looking like the Saints a few years ago: strong offense, pathetic defense. But the Saints were still quite good. The Eagles’ biggest strength is definitely at the QB position. And no I don’t mean Michael Vick, who is playing wildcat and failing. McNabb, for all his faults, can move the ball both through the air and on the ground. Kevin Kolb has shown that he can have Drew Brees-esque games. However, the Saints could never get to the playoffs or win a game once they got there, and I think that’ll be a problem shared by the Eagles. Their two wins so far have been the horrible Panthers and the roster-rape known as the Chiefs. Division champs? No, there’s something known the Giants in the way. Wild card? Probably not. While the Eagles could likely take second in the division, the NFC is just too competitive this year.

15. Dallas Cowboys (2-2)

The Cowboys’ offense looked like an early 2000′s Patriots offense, but Tony Romo is showing these past couple of weeks just how unlike Tom Brady he is. The Cowboys have a great defense, but this won’t help you is your quarterback sucks. Romo has talent, but he must be choosing not to use it when he makes throws at either the first or second best cornerback in the league, Champ Bailey. However, it is too early to tell much about the Cowboys, as their only wins have come against bad teams (Tampa Bay and Carolina) and their losses to powerhouses (NY Giants and Denver). If they pick up their game, they could take second in their division behind the Giants and possibly have a shot at the wild card.

16. San Diego Chargers (2-2)

Like the Patriots, the Chargers are lucky to not be 1-3, as they nearly lost to Oakland in Week 1. Philip Rivers has been underperforming this year, and the formerly dominant Chargers ground attack has been nonexistant. Fortunately for San Diego, they are in a historically easy division. Unfortunately, the Denver Broncos have decided to make it a bit more challenging by being amazing. Rivers’ play isn’t helping at all.

17. Jacksonville Jaguars (2-2)

The Chargers may have turned their running game off, but the Jaguars have turned it on. Maurice Jones-Drew alone has 296 yards this season. David Garrard passed for 323 yards last week. It seems Garrard is finally playing well, and it’s about time for Jacksonville. However, I don’t see them keeping this up. I believe the Texans will start playing better and overtake the Jags in a division which will be won, as usual, by the Colts.

18. Green Bay Packers (2-2)

For the level of talent that is on the Packers, they have been playing terribly. They edged out the Bears in a defensive battle, lost to the Bengals, then beat the pathetic Rams and were smothered by the Vikings. If Aaron Rodgers is one of the up-and-coming “elite” quarterbacks, he needs to start playing as though that were true. Green Bay has a top 10 defense, but they’re still 2-2. And they can’t blame their tough division for being the problem, as they’ve only played two division games and one of them they won.

19. Miami Dolphins (1-3)

So far, the wildcat is working great for Miami. As long as you don’t use it too much and run traditional plays, it can be a very effective offensive weapon. There is no doubt that Ronnie Brown is a beast, as is Joey Porter. And to whoever thought the Dolphins would tank after losing Chad Pennington for the season, well arguably this last game against Buffalo was their best, seeing as how it has been their only win. Miami has the talent to build a winning team, so why haven’t they been winning games? The caliber of their opponents isn’t really a factor, as they lost to one elite team (Indianapolis) and two mediocre teams (Atlanta and San Diego). If they don’t figure a way to put all their parts together, the Dolphins will fall a long way by the time Week 8 rolls around and I do power rankings again.

20. Houston Texans (2-2)

The Houston Texans are a team that has two modes: on and off. When off, they look like the Texans of old: failing on both sides of the ball in hilarious fashion; pretty much what everyone expected from the Denver
Broncos this season. When on, QB Matt Schaub can pass for 250+ yards and HB Steve Slaton can own the field like Adrian Peterson.

21. Arizona Cardinals (1-2)

The Cardinals’ explosive offense from last year collapsed in on itself like an imploding star. Kurt Warner is playing like Chad Pennington. They need a real jolt to their game if they hope to be playoff contenders.

22. Tennessee Titans (0-4)

What happened to these guys??? The team that started 10-0 last year are now 0-4, and their next two games are against the Colts and Patriots, both teams with excellent passing games. The Titans’ worst point? Pass defense. Their greatest strength? The ground attack. They should give Vince Young a couple chances to start; the Titans could use any boost they can get.

23. Washington Redskins (2-2)

This team has the talent, but with Jason Campbell playing like a backup and getting worse by the week, one has to blame the coaching staff. The Redskins have a pretty easy schedule coming up: they take on the winless Panthers in week 5, then the winless Chiefs in week 6. If they fail to win before their bye week in week 7, you can expect Coach Jim Zorn to be unemployed.

24. Buffalo Bills (1-3)

The poor Bills, they just can never seem to get anything going. For every good game that Trent Edwards has, he has three bad ones. And WR Terrell Owens hasn’t been a factor yet this year. If they drop many more games, they’ll be out of playoff contention early.

25. Detroit Lions (1-3)

O the Lions. They need a lot of work after that 0-16 season. But see, they’ve already improved on last year’s performance; they already have one whole win. They’re going to need a lot more work, too, if they want to be competitive in the NFC North. They’ll take last place in the division again, but not as miserable as last season.

26. Seattle Seahawks (1-3)

Worse than the Lions?? In fact, there’s seven teams worse than the Lions; the most in a long long time to be so bad. The Seahawks are the best of these teams. When Matt Hasselbeck isn’t injured, which is never, they do alright. They have wildcat potential in QB Seneca Wallace. But Wallace has proven that when he starts, it’s a disaster. The whole team seems to fall apart. Silly me, I picked them to win the division when I did predictions last year. I also picked the Broncos to be last place in the AFC West.

27. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-4)

Last year, the Bucs were playoff contenders until the last week of the regular season, when they were knocked out by the Oakland Raiders. Since then, they haven’t been able to get anything together. Here is a case wher the biggest failures can be blamed on the ownership. They fired Super Bowl-winning coach Jon Gruden in favor of a young guy who so far hasn’t been able to tap into the immense talent on that team. QB Byron Leftwich underperformed, so they replaced him with… Josh Johnson? This is the same ownership group that fired Tony Dungy a decade ago, and look where he ended up. Until they make major changes at the top, no success is going to trickle down.

28. Oakland Raiders (1-3)

The other team that needs a major ownership overhaul is the Oakland Raiders. When the Raiders were successful, it was in spite of Al Davis’ micromanagement, not because of it. He spends draft picks picking fast running backs and receivers, then throws the most inaccurate starting QB (JaMarcus Russell)  in the NFL into the field and hopes he can cannon it to them somehow. The real mystery is how the Raiders managed to not be last in the division (yet). They beat the Chiefs in a horrible game by a field goal, but almost beat the Chargers in week 1 by playing basic, hard football. I actually thought Tom Cable was leading them in the right direction. Turns out I just overestimated them.

29. Kansas City Chiefs (0-4)

It is a mystery why the Chiefs decided to release Bernard Pollard and strip down their defense. Well I guess that’s what you get when you sign another team’s backup QB to a huge deal and entrust your season in his hands. Matt Cassel is a very talented quarterback, but his offensive line isn’t giving him any time. But rather than give up sacks, Cassel seems to be more inclined to just throw it somewhere. This results in scores of incompletions, and an interception or two (per game). This reminds me of Matt Stafford, but he has an excuse… he’s a rookie. Unless the line gets stronger and the team decides to give Cassel another receiver to complement Dwayne Bowe, the Chiefs are going to fail week after week.

30. Carolina Panthers (0-3)

Division dominators for a long time, this year the Panthers can’t seem to find a rhythm. More specifically, QB Jake Delhomme can’t seem to find receivers who are on his team. Although he still excels at the two-minute drill, as evidenced in the Cowboys game (EDIT: and the Redskins game!), Jake Delhomme is far too inconsistent to be a starting quarterback. My advice to the Panthers is to sign Jeff Garcia and make Delhomme a backup. That 2MD skill can come is really handy from time to time; Delhomme may be in the top five in the league when it comes to that aspect. That seems to be the one time he doesn’t turn over the ball. However, they have no running game, old receivers, and an unimposing defense.

31. St. Louis Rams (0-4)

The Rams really need an overhaul everywhere on the field, except perhaps running back. Nobody on their defense stands out, their offensive line is 2-star at best, and QB Marc Bulger just doesn’t seem to have it anymore. And we know Kyle Boller certainly doesn’t. I wouldn’t be surprised at all if the Rams go 1-15 this season.

32. Cleveland Browns (0-4)

Talent-wise, the Browns look a bit better off than the #31 Rams. Jamal Lewis is still a talented running back, and Derek Anderson is certainly a better QB than Marc Bulger (and Brady Quinn). What puts them a notch lower is the colossal amount of fail located in their ownership and coaching staff. Eric Mangini was fired for a reason: he can’t coach. The Jets weren’t 9-7 last season because of him, it was their team talent. Now Mangini doesn’t have team talent to hide behind and so his job should be on the line… but it doesn’t seem to be, because the owners don’t seem to care. First they traded WAY down in the first round of the draft, allowing the Jets to get Mark Sanchez, then they trade away their best receiver, Braylon Edwards. Is there light at the end of the tunnel? No. EDIT: In one of the worst games I’ve ever seen, the Browns managed to get one win in Week 5 by defeating the bills two field goals to one. Derek Anderson had two completions for 23 yards. Pathetic.

So apparently there was, up till recently, a sex column in The Towerlight, our school paper. It was extremely controversial, with many letters to the editor from old people saying how much they hated it, religious nuts saying how much Jesus hated it, and other people saying how much they love it.

It has been discontinued, as of yesterday.

I was at first angry at what I thought was a free speech issue, because I had only read the latest Bed Post. This particular edition was widely praised; here is a sample comment:

*This* column actually made national news? Seriously, I got here from CNN. What kind of morons run this school? OMG- the kids have figured out a way to have sex that has practical zero risk for STD’s or pregnancy and they’re spreading the word!!! Stop it before the STD and pregnancy rates drop!!!

Kudos to the author and editor, and “you are a total and complete moron” to anyone who purports to have a mission (in fact, paid position) at this school in perpetuating knowledge but would move immediately to squash some of the most important knowledge that can be imparted and punish those who would disseminate it.

It is unfortunate that the author no longer has a column in the Towerlight, and the editor has resigned, after receiving a “threatening” e-mail from the President of the university.

Now what got the good President Caret so riled up? This column, appearing in the September 14 edition of The Towerlight.

Overview of the post: What are the most pleasurable jobs in the recession?

1. Handjob
2. Blowjob
3. Rimjob   (!)

After reading this one, I decided that while it would be good to have a sex column, it could have been on a better topic, such as the first article. The “jobs in the recession” article should have been posted exclusively online.

But now the President bitched.

And the editor resigned.

And no more Bed Post.

And is apparently being given national attention? Idk about CNN, but I do see it in the Baltimore Sun.

Alan: Don’t judge me.
Aaron: LMAO

We have believed for quite some time that Mike would reply “LMAO” to anything. We never really decided to bring this up to Mike. Especially in this context:

Besides the fact that my grandmother is alive and well, it seems Mike has over-reacted slightly. Alan seems overwhelmed and will likely hide in a cave and eat a banana.