penguinpride

Yea, so the FIFA World Cup has returned after a long 4 years, to grace us all with some kickass soccer for one whole month. Naturally I want Antarctica to win. Unfortunately, we did not qualify this year, so here’s who is definitely going to the Round of 16:

I would put down how the rest of the games would go, spoiler alert NETHERLANDS WIN THE CUP, but I am far too tired. Later, perhaps.

Sometimes when I’m tired, MS Paint provides me with some great fun.

1. The Pittsburgh Steelers will have a bounceback year with an improved secondary and more of a running game. The only question is: can Byron Leftwich win games starting at QB for 4-6 weeks?

2. The Baltimore Ravens now have a legitimate passing attack with the addition of WR Anquan Boldin.  But this team still has holes, mainly in the secondary.

3. The Cleveland Browns will be rejuvenated by young talent and a complete overhaul at QB. Jake Delhomme can still play, especially with the right coaching. And Eric Mangini will always have a trick or two up his sleeve.

4. The Cincinnati Bengals will take a step back after their sudden burst last year. It always seems to go this way with the Bengals; in 2005 they went 11-5 then went to .500 or worse for the next three seasons.

Maybe it’s because I live in Baltimore, but there sure seems to be a lot of “Ravens are sure to win the division” nonsense floating about and I intend to straighten some people out.

Anything can happen during the season, but this division could be won by wither the Steelers, Ravens, or Bengals this year. The only reason I’m excluding the Browns is the fact that they won’t start Colt McCoy.

So, people (Ravens fanz) are busy blowing their loads over Anquan Boldin, thinking he’s a free ticket to the Super Bowl or some equivalent nonsense. If I were only excited about one new player on the Steelers, we’d be in serious trouble.

“Oh but we got lots more than just B0ld1n!!” says the Ravens kid. When asked “WHO?” they invariably give one of the following as “answers:”

1. Donte Stallworth. A mediocre journeyman receiver who has played for 5 different teams. In 2008, he had a grand total of 17 catches and one touchdown. In 2009, he had NOTHING because he was suspended for the entire season for drinking, driving, and killing a person.
2. OMG BEST DRAFT EVER. The Ravens draft was great, but nobody is likely to start this coming season. Remember kids, the only people who are going to help you this year are the ones actually playing.

That goes for you too, Terrence Cody.

So the draft has begun. I wish I had a microphone so I could record all of Andrew’s random comments.

He threw the Bust Flag on the Redskins’ first round pick of Trent Williams. Don’t forget it… ANDREW CALLED A BUST ON THIS GUY. So when Williams emerges as the best left tackle in the league, we can all point and laugh at him.

Ahh by the way, I forgot about pick 2. I disagree with the Lions’ pick of DT Ndamukong Suh. Sure, Suh is a beast. But you have to protect your huge investment of QB Matt Stafford. Stafford could be their franchise quarterback, if they can keep him healthy (and protected). Also, I’m not so sure that there will be any great left tackles who fall out of the first round, even to pick 34 (Lions’ second round pick). On the other hand, DT Terrence Cody might. I just feel like that sequence would be much more sufficient, and then the Lions would have both a left tackle and defensive tackle.

10th overall…. WHAAAAT???!!!!?!?! Who is Tyson Alualu?! (*Andrew throws 2nd Bust Flag)

I LOVE the 49ers first pick at #11:  OT Anthony Davis. This shows that they’re committed to Alex Smith, and to an extent Glen Coffee as well. Instead of drafting a QB to replace Smith, they invested in protecting him. Davis will also provide some nice run support for Gore and Coffee.

I also LOVE the 49ers second pick at #17: OG Mike Iupati. I actually had this one right in my mock draft. In addition to providing TREMENDOUS run protection, the 49ers now have two first-round rookies on their offensive line.

I’m surprised OT Bryan Bulaga fell all the way to #23. My mock actually had him going to the Redskins at #4 overall (Okung being my choice for Detroit at #2). Too bad he went to the Packers, my third-least favorite team.

Andrew threw his third Bust Flag on DE Jason Pierre-Paul.

Even more surprising is WR Dez Bryant falling all the way to #24. It sucks that he was picked AFTER Demaryus Thomas (Andrew’s fourth Bust Flag!), despite clearly being the best receiver in the draft. Too bad he went to the Cowboys, my second-least favorite team.

#25 – TIM TEBOW AHEAD OF JIMMY CLAUSEN AND COLT MCCOY?! What is this world coming to??! Andrew threw his 5th Bust Flag at this one. Prove us wrong, Tim.

The 6th Bust Flag goes to DT Jared Odrick, going #28 to the Dolphins. Andrew says he is “over-rated.” I’m a bit more conservative with my bust flags; I’m only throwing it at Demaryus Thomas.

…see what I mean? Andrew’s 7th Bust Flag thrown at DE Jerry Hughes, picked #31 by the Colts. AND CB Patrick Robinson (8)!

So Andrew invited me to play in his fantasy baseball league. Not as obsessed with baseball as he is, I figured he and his baseball nerds (Josh Malamud comes to mind) would own me, but out of politeness I joined. Also for the chance that I might actually beat him.

So here’s my team for today:

And Saturday:

Todd Helton is having an excellent start, so I figured I’d take him off the bench and see what happens. Also, I dropped Alfredo Aceves and added Kevin Gregg, who mopped the floor with the Orioles (including Miguel Tejada) at the end of today’s game. He has an awesome side-arm pitching style and is deadly accurate– he found the far corner of the strike zone every single time.

Also, the Pirates had a lovely start. I PrntScrn’d it to remember this forever:

Updating my earlier prediction.

8. Jevan Snead (Ole Miss)
9. Sean Canfield (Oregon State)
10. Zac Robinson (Oklahoma State)
11. Ryan Perrilloux (Jacksonville State)
12. Bill Stull (Pittsburgh)

For pathetic individuals like me, inspiration is hard to come by. Maybe it’s because I’m useless, worthless, and did I mention pathetic?

Awww.

JK LMAO! I’m fine (today), but really good inspiration is that location known as few and far between.

But recently, I have found a couple sources of inspiration, out of nowhere. Firstly, I finally wrapped my brain around Star Trek.

Not only that, but there’s loads more on the best site from the Cheezburger guys since Failblog. They call this fresh pile of freshness “Comixed.” Yo. Check it.

But wait there’s more. Bob Parsons, an American hero, seems to also be a business guru. And now he has 16 Rules for Success. I’m thinking they’re 16 of the 20 Cliches of Success. Wrong. I’m not going to copy&paste everything (you’re welcome) but here’s a sampling.

2.	Never give up.

	Almost nothing works the first time it’s attempted.  Just because what you’re doing does not seem to be working, doesn’t mean it won’t work.  It just means that it might not work the way you’re doing it.  If it was easy, everyone would be doing it, and you wouldn’t have an opportunity. -Bob’s 16 Rules for Success

So who IS this guy? Only the founder and CEO of GoDaddy, my domain registrar and hosting service.
YOU: O so he’s the one who keeps airing those crappy Super Bowl ads with Danica Patrick and women with b00bz?
ME: Yep.
YOU: LOL THEY SUCK.
ME: You know it. I know it. He knows it. But it made you remember their name. So he wins.
YOU: :[

Just one more. Possibly the best one (because it pertains to my infinite failures):

3.	When you’re ready to quit, you’re closer than you think.
	There’s an old Chinese saying that I just love, and I believe it is so true.  It goes like this: “The temptation to quit will be greatest just before you are about to succeed.” -Bob’s 16 Rules for Success

Plus he went to UB!!!!!!!! (I wanna go there in like 2 yrs)

Another thing I discovered was from an old hero, Dave Matthews. I found this song on someone else’s iTunes. Yes, Apple products are always better. Always.

This particular ditty is called “Seek Up.” You can listen to it here. Get a load of these lyrics.

Late at night with TV’s hungry child
his belly swells
Well, for the price of a coke or a smoke
I could keep alive those hungry eyes

Oh look at me in my fancy car
and my bank account
Oh, how I wish I could take it all down
into my grave, God knows I’d save and save
Man, take a look again, take a look again
things you have collected, well in the end piles up
to one big nothing, one big nothing at all

:o

Finally, I discovered the joke they don’t tell gay people.

LOL.
The only thing funny about “Cop Out” was Tracy Porter.
The end.

This coming NFL season is going to be awesome. At this point, halfway through the free agency period, I’ve started to compile a bit of a standings list, which of course, will be 100% correct.

NFC North
1. Minnesota Vikings
2. Green Bay Packers
3. Detroit Lions
4. Chicago Bears

NFC South
1. New Orleans Saints
2. Carolina Panthers
3. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
4. Atlanta Falcons

NFC East
1. New York Giants
2. Dallas Cowboys
3. Philadelphia Eagles
4. Washington Redskins*

NFC West – again, the worst division in football.
1. San Francisco 49ers
2. Arizona Cardinals
3. St. Louis Rams
4. Seattle Seahawks*

AFC North – actually this could be a 4-way tossup.
1. Pittsburgh Steelers
2. Cincinnati Bengals
3. Baltimore Ravens
4. Cleveland Browns

AFC South
1. Tennessee Titans
2. Indianapolis Colts
3. Houston Texans
4. Jacksonville Jaguars

AFC East – probably the 3rd worst division in football.
1. New York Jets
2. New England Patriots
3. Miami Dolphins
4. Buffalo Bills*

AFC West – 2nd worst!
1. Denver Broncos
2. Oakland Raiders – dependent on them resigning QB Bruce Gradkowski
3. San Diego Chargers
4. Kansas City Chiefs*

*Asterisks mean that this team will undergo a “rebuilding year.”

2010 Breakout Team:  Cleveland Browns

Scary Defense. The Washington Redskins are setting themselves up for an even better defense, as they switch to the 3-4. The Redskins are, hopefully, signing older veterans to fill in holes and groom younger players while still being good. They signed NT Ma’ake Kemoeatu on Wednesday, and some are going as far as saying that he will be the anchor of their defense. He might be, if he can stay healthy. He spent last season on IR after an injury to his Achilles tendon.

Scary defense, scary man.

What makes things even scarier is that the two stars of last year’s Redskins defense, DT Albert Haynesworth and LB Brian Orakpo, will be right at home in the 3-4. Haynesworth has the speed (and definitely the power) to be an effective defensive end, while Orakpo could easily play either outside or inside linebacker.

Lions outlook: Good. As long as QB Matt Stafford stays healthy, they have a pretty good offense. Look for the Lions to go after offensive linemen in the draft… right after they draft DT Ndamukong Suh. Also, they signed DE Kyle Vanden Bosch.

But back to the offense, their only star up until last year was WR Calvin Johnson. That man can make plays happen to a point where he atones for mistakes by the quarterback. So defenses have learned to put Johnson in heavy coverage, because the other receivers weren’t good enough to make plays if they did catch the ball.  But now, the Lions have signed WR Nate Burleson. Although he hasn’t exactly lived up to his potential, he will likely find himself wide open when defensive backs swarm Johnson.

Calvin Johnson and Nate Burleson

Earlier I did a top 16 list. But now I’ve started to narrow down the list.

1. Sam Bradford (Oklahoma) – I’ve finally warmed up to him, he’s the best QB prospect.
2. Jimmy Clausen (Notre Dame) – His numbers weren’t overly great, but he had a weak offense at Notre Dame. He’ll do better with better receivers and a decent running back.
3. Colt McCoy (Texas)
4. Tim Tebow (Florida)
5. Dan LeFevour (Central Michigan)
6. Tony Pike (Cincinnati)
7. Tim Hiller (Western Michigan)
8. Sean Canfield (Oregon State) – Although I hate Oregon State, Canfield is a good QB.
9. Chris Todd (Auburn)
10. Zac Robinson (Oklahoma State)