penguinpride

Sometimes when I’m tired, MS Paint provides me with some great fun.

For pathetic individuals like me, inspiration is hard to come by. Maybe it’s because I’m useless, worthless, and did I mention pathetic?

Awww.

JK LMAO! I’m fine (today), but really good inspiration is that location known as few and far between.

But recently, I have found a couple sources of inspiration, out of nowhere. Firstly, I finally wrapped my brain around Star Trek.

Not only that, but there’s loads more on the best site from the Cheezburger guys since Failblog. They call this fresh pile of freshness “Comixed.” Yo. Check it.

But wait there’s more. Bob Parsons, an American hero, seems to also be a business guru. And now he has 16 Rules for Success. I’m thinking they’re 16 of the 20 Cliches of Success. Wrong. I’m not going to copy&paste everything (you’re welcome) but here’s a sampling.

2.	Never give up.

	Almost nothing works the first time it’s attempted.  Just because what you’re doing does not seem to be working, doesn’t mean it won’t work.  It just means that it might not work the way you’re doing it.  If it was easy, everyone would be doing it, and you wouldn’t have an opportunity. -Bob’s 16 Rules for Success

So who IS this guy? Only the founder and CEO of GoDaddy, my domain registrar and hosting service.
YOU: O so he’s the one who keeps airing those crappy Super Bowl ads with Danica Patrick and women with b00bz?
ME: Yep.
YOU: LOL THEY SUCK.
ME: You know it. I know it. He knows it. But it made you remember their name. So he wins.
YOU: :[

Just one more. Possibly the best one (because it pertains to my infinite failures):

3.	When you’re ready to quit, you’re closer than you think.
	There’s an old Chinese saying that I just love, and I believe it is so true.  It goes like this: “The temptation to quit will be greatest just before you are about to succeed.” -Bob’s 16 Rules for Success

Plus he went to UB!!!!!!!! (I wanna go there in like 2 yrs)

Another thing I discovered was from an old hero, Dave Matthews. I found this song on someone else’s iTunes. Yes, Apple products are always better. Always.

This particular ditty is called “Seek Up.” You can listen to it here. Get a load of these lyrics.

Late at night with TV’s hungry child
his belly swells
Well, for the price of a coke or a smoke
I could keep alive those hungry eyes

Oh look at me in my fancy car
and my bank account
Oh, how I wish I could take it all down
into my grave, God knows I’d save and save
Man, take a look again, take a look again
things you have collected, well in the end piles up
to one big nothing, one big nothing at all

:o

Finally, I discovered the joke they don’t tell gay people.

LOL.
The only thing funny about “Cop Out” was Tracy Porter.
The end.

I was wondering what was located at murder.org.

Customers at Chick-fil-A can be quite airheaded from time to time. Here are some of those times.

• “Can I get 3 chicken selects?”
• “Can I get half caffeine half regular coffee?”
• Would you like any sauce?   “No, I’m eating in the car.”
• “Can I get the kids meal in a bag?”
• “How much is your bacon egg and cheese biscuit?”  $2.92.   “OK I’ll take just the biscuit. Does it come with egg on it? How about cheese? Can I get cheese on it?”
• “Do you sell biscuits as a side?”
• “Do you serve hamburgers?”  No, sir. Only chicken.   “How about fish?”  No, sir. Only chicken.
• “Large kids meal please.”
• “Chicken meal please.”
• “Can I have the spicy deluxe club, no ham.”
• “Can I have the CFA #1 plain… just the bread and the sandwich.”

*facepalm*

Don’t even remember where I found this.

Customers don’t stop with just 2 pages full of wtf’s. They keep coming. And David and Sonny have been compiling these lists for quite some time…

• “Can I get 18 of those finger things?”
• “Which one of the number 1 and number 2 is crispy?”    “The number 1 is fried, and the number 2 is grilled.”   “So which one is crispy?”
• Q:  “Can I get you any sauce or condiments?”    A:  “She don’t use condiments!”
• “Can I have one of those meals?”
• “Can I have an order of round potato things?”
• “FIVE DOLLARS FOR A NEWSPAPER??!?!”     “No, ma’am, that says 50 cents but here, it’s free.”
• Q:  “Any sauce?”   A:  “No, just Chick-fil-A sauce.”
• “Can I get 12 pieces of chicken?”
• “Can I get real food now?”
• “Can I get the largest number 5 I can get?”
• “Is that carrot and raisin salad for humans?”
• “I’ll take the smallest chicken meal you got”
• “Can I have 2 chicken biscuits without the pickles?”
• “Medium cup of whatever you call it, coffee?”
• “Sausage biscuit with sausage”
• “Medium splenda lemonade”
• “Can I have one number 1 with cheese on both?”
• “Do you have white coffee?”        [?!]
• “Can I have a biscuit butter?”
• “What’s the difference between an 8 pack and a 12 pack?”
• “Can I get some tots please?”
• “What’s the chance of me getting a bacon egg and cheese with no egg?”
• “Do you have cold coffee?”
• “I’ll take your $3.95 nuggets and a small lemonade”
• “Can I get a 12 piece 12 nugget meal?”
• “Can I have a number …… sorry I am so confused”

And of course there is MORE! To be had next week.

Still more WTF’s from David, Sonny and crew at CFA.

• “Can I get the happy meal?”
• “Whopper with cheese, no pickles. OH SHIT! Wrong place”
• “Can I get the number 3, not the meal, just the 3 chicken thingy’s?”
• “Fruit instead of taters”
• Q:  “Would you like a drink holder or a tray?”   A:  “Yes, that would be great.”
• Q:  “Would you like any sauce?”   A: “No, I’ll just spill it on myself.”
• “Can I have an order of hard grilled chicken?”

Are these hard enough for you?

• “May I have two number 3 fours?”
• “May I have a large ice cream dream cone please?”
• “Could I have some lemon juice please?”
• “I want the most nugget box you got.”
• “Caesar wrap sandwich”
• “Small order of cottage fries”
• “I’ll take a regular chicken.”

?

• “Can I get a portable tray?”
• “Can I have 3 cups of honey?
• “Can I get the three count mini, the breakfast ones?”
• “Can I get just the breast?”
• “I’ll take a Chick-fil-A”
• “Oh wow, it’s all chicken”
• “Are all your fries waffle?”
• “Can I order breakfast now?”   “Yes, ma’am, until 10:30.”   “Well can I order breakfast then?”
• “Do you have any breakfast left?”    “No, we stopped serving breakfast at 10:30.”    “Well do you have any left?”
• A customer came to the counter and asked,  “Do you still work here?”
• “Can I have your basic sandwich?”
• “2 spice sandwiches.”
• “Are you doing the promotion with the free side?”
• “Number 7 combo just the sandwich”
• “Can I get light on ice?”
• “How much is your chicken meal?”
• “Can I get the big one?”
• “Large not sweetened tea”
• “What is in the fruit, just fruit?”
• “Is there fruit on the Chargrilled and Fruit Salad?”
• “Can I get half of a sandwich?”
• “So you get two pieces of bread on a sandwich?”
• “Can I have a box of those chicken rollie things?”
• “Large sweet tea with a teaspoon of lemon on top”
• “Can I get the number 4 but make it spicy and add deluxe?”

There is still moar!!

Some of the things customers try to say to us at work are absolutely ridiculous.

• Crowtans
• Shopem bags
• Q: “What drink would you like?”   A:  “Diet.”
• Q: “Would you like any sauces?”   A:  “No. Can I have some BBQ sauce?”
• “I just don’t understand why I don’t get two sandwiches with a meal”
• “What do you sweeten your unsweetened tea with?”
• “Does the chicken garden salad come with chicken?”
• “Do you serve fish?”
• “Is the number one grilled?”
• “Can I get a number 8 pack meal?”
• Q:  “How many McNuggets come in a meal?”    A:  “I’m not sure, ma’am, I don’t work at McDonald’s.”
• “Can I get a number this one 4 pack?”
• “Can I get a large sweet tea without sugar?”
• “Can I have a hot and spicy sandwich please?”
• “What’s on that there chick fill uh sammich?”
• “Could I get the combo with a drink?”
• “Small order of onion rings please.”
• “Can I have a straw with my coffee so my lips don’t get hot?”
• “2 Chick-fil-A’s.”
• “Can I get my chicken on a honey wheat roll?”
• “Chicken egg and cheese on sunflower mango bread”
• “Could I get some yellow sugar please?”
• “Can I get the number 4…….better make it the meal.”
• “Chicken burrito sandwich only”
• “Can I get an 8 piece nugget?  NO WAIT!! Can I get an 8 pack nugget?”
• Berry Ballsmatic dressing
• “Can I have a free one of them?”
• “Better throw in some taters with that”
• “Can I get ummmmmm… ummmmmmmmmmmmm… ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm… never mind”
• 8:30 am.     “Are you all on lunch?”

Thanks to David and Sonny for these. More to come!

By “The Lonely Island”