penguinpride

so i’m basically in the process of packing my life away. not really though…just the majority of my clothes.

i’ve been cleaning my room the past few days. and by “cleaning”, i mean purging most of the remnants of random things in my closets. they are almost bare right now, and it makes me kind of sad that i don’t really have things to put in them [without making them a total mess].

i have 3 boxes full of clothes so far…i think i’ll probably have 4 total when i’m done. i still have some laundry to do before i leave. and i have to pack my jeans.

i feel like people have so much more stuff than me for their dorm. i guess we’ll find out how much i’ve forgotten on Thursday.

i feel like so many people have texted me and IMed me, saying how i should hang out with them before i leave…but quite frankly, there’s literally no time. like right now, i could be hanging out with people. earlier i could have as well. but everyone waits till the last day to ask. my plans for tomorrow are as follows:
-wake up [i guess by 9:30 i should be good]
-do some laundry
-pack like no other
-maybe go to alex’s house and chill
-pick up alexis and krista from school and hang [also get a peak at the new science wing, and see my teachers for the last time until i leave]
-last supper with the family at fuji

Then Thursday, i guess we’ll do any LAST MINUTE packing [which i assume is like deodorant and toothbrush and stuff. we MIGHT go out to breakfast. i have to pick up my last check at safeway. then we're off to Towson...to get there AFTER 11 sometime. my roomate's getting there at 11, and i don't want to get there first [mainly i dont want to decide what side to sleep on lol]

wow, two posts in less than a day time period from Schweffy…i must be on a roll or something.

i got a text message while at work today from anna:
“Before the game we are getting all access passes and going down on the field and up to the press box plus our seats are sick i’ll show you where later :) :)”

anna and i have significantly “cooled things down” between each other…but it’s weird, we still talk a lot sometimes, still call each other babe, etc etc…i hope that we act the same in person as we did the last time we saw each other.

her dad is friends with  someone high up in the nationals program [screw it if i know what they do, but i believe they do something in the press box]. about a month ago, they invited me to the nationals game on September 19th [its a friday evening, and would be convenient for everyone]. that was ~*technically*~ right after we stopped whatever we had going on. i asked her a few weeks ago if she still wanted to go and she was like “yeah dude i’m totally excited for it, i actually talked to my dad about it today” etc etc.

but i can’t believe it…on the field. of nationals stadium. shit son. and in the press box…that souns amazing. i’ve only been to the new stadium once, and those seats were pretty sick as shit…i wonder what these ones are going to be like…

i’m also excited for that day, because anna’s going to head up to towson and get me. i can show her around campus, show her around a city that i am just getting the hang of, introduce her to new friends, and just feel all around comfortable [especially since my parents arent there to make her uncomfortable]. she also asked me to sleepover her dad’s house that night, so that should be tight…who knows maybe it’ll be like the date that we missed in July. and maybe i can introduce her to the love that is checkers.

i’m excited even though it is more than a month away…but it will go by so quickly.

[[EDIT]]

i just got an IM, showing me where our seats our.
Section 129…”i wasn’t too impressed by the seats” says anna…the best i’ve ever got lol. i have sat in 113 before, but 129 is pretty damn good…

i think ramen is one of my comfort foods. i’m eating it right now…to try to calm down.
i feel like i’m starting to get cold feet for college…with 13 days left.

every day that gets closer, it feels more and more of a reality…and i wonder, can i handle this shit?
i realize that people have to grow up…and i’m probably being a baby because my college is only 45 minutes away from my house. but i dont see it like that. i’ve lived in this house for 18 years. my biggest move was from bowie [5 minutes away] to crofton when i was 1, and too young to even remember our old town house. i’ve gone to the same schools, and have known the same people all of my life.
but now everyone’s leaving…well some people are staying…but that’s not the point.
people are going to move on…get better lives, get new friends. they say that your college friends are usually your friends for life, and you get closer to them more than your high school friends. i like my friends just fine now though. **shrug**

i was talking to byron on the phone one night [he called and my dad told me to answer the phone], and the things he said made me kind of upset. he was like “after you leave for college, your house isn’t going to be your home anymore…you’ll be a visitor from now on.” saying that is probably one of the biggest things you can say to me that sets in the reality of that. it set in even more when my parents told me that when i left, they might paint and rearrange my room. that made me dumbfounded. its my room, and they’re just going to take my stuff and move it around to their liking.

i started going dorm shopping with my mom the other day. it’s kind of an overwhelming and daunting experience…i didnt even know where to start. i feel like the majority of the stuff that these stores are selling are useless. and crap. we walked around both target and walmart…walmarts selection was disappointing…even though it IS walmart, and we didn’t have very high expectations to begin with. we ended up buying some towels and detergent. that’s how far i’ve gotten with my dorm shopping. freaking towels and laundry detergent. no i lie…we also bought a box of tampons. lol.

we decided to get sheets and a comforter and stuff from the catalog that towson sent us…they had a much wider variety of twin xl sheets than the places that we went to, and i actually liked some of the stuff, so that’s out of the way as well.

i dont even know what else i have to buy…a lamp, for sure. things i need for the bathroom, make sure i have shampoo and soap and toothpaste stuff like that. i feel like i’m being a minimalist…either that, or i’m just not thinking enough. oh well…i’ll probaly remember when i get on campus…which is good. lol. because the first night that we move in, a bus will come and take students that want to go, out to target to finish shopping and to get things they might’ve forgotten. i think thats cool, only towson students roaming target after closing time.

the countdown continues. anticipation and fear have played their parts…and i’m sure they will both continue to play their parts. i have a lot to do in the time that i have left. i started cleaning a month or so ago…haven’t gotten far at all. i’ll probably end up going through my closets and just throwing massive amounts of shit away. because truthfully, i have so much shit i don’t use. my family is filled with packrats. my parents are weird and go through all the trash that i throw away, and keep the stuff that they “could, maybe use”, or “could, maybe donate to goodwill”…in the meanwhile, we have piles upon piles of clothes, toys, etc etc in our basement, with years of neglectment. i’ll take things into my own hands now. i WILL have my room cleaned before i go away.

“6. I miss you. I need you back in my life. We had the best connection. I’m pretty sure that we’re destined to be really good friends.”

i know that one relates to me.
i read that and started crying. because it shows that people do want me in their life. believe me, i go by thinking that people don’t want/need me, and are just trying to be nice. but she didn’t KNOW that i’d read this.

the sad part is, i never really “missed” her. don’t get me wrong, i love talking to her, i have to admit she is one of my best friends, even though i haven’t known her for as long as i’ve known other people. i just don’t “need” her, per say, like i feel i need other people. who knows, maybe in time we’ll be great and have no drama. but that’s one of the main problems with us, is the drama factor.

So, it’s Schweff, and i’m back…i’m not going to make any “i’m back for the long run” promises, but maybe i’ll stick around if i think of things to blog about…

let me think of things that have been happening in my life [in list and categorical formation] this summer:

Love Life
- My girlfriend Nikki, and I broke up while i was at beach week [her idea, not mine]…funny story, it was via text messaging the day before i was supposed to come home
-i met the “girl of my dreams”…this girl who i’ve been talking to on the internet for over a year. it was disastrous [she even left a day earlier than expected, after driving 8 hours out of her way], and we’ve talked once since this incident that happened over a month ago.
- I started talking to this girl, Anna, who lives 5 hours away and i can hardly see…she’s a cute, fun fish enthusiast that i originally met from a mutual ex back in late 2006 [not in person until summer of '07]…we’ve been talking for about 2 months or so, and have been back and forth on the “friends or more” threshold quite a few times. we’ve visited each other a few times, but overall it’s pretty much a summer fling that’s sizzling out. i like her a lot, and i think it’s unfortunate that it’s entirely unrealistic to have any relationship more than friendship at this point in time

Worklife
- i finally got a job! for the longest time, my dad has told me that he didn’t want me to get a job, because he wanted me to “relish my childhood”…then he got on me for not even having a job lol. So i work at Safeway now. it’s a pretty legit job, starting at $7.60 an hour
- i’ve already got a raise [well, not reall **me** getting a raise...it was a union thing] and now make $7.75
- i’ve already been cut significantly of my hours…apparently the company isn’t making as much money, so instead of giving the store 700 hours for employees, they were cut to a mere 400…which means this week i’m only scheduled for 15 hours [lame]

New Things
- i’ve learned how to blow smoke rings and french inhale
- my first solo, long car ride [doesn't sound that legit, but i dont drive long that much] [2 and a half hour drive]
- I have acquired a newfound respect for fish, blondes, and tattoos [probably with the help of the lady friend], and a newfound obsession with online, discount t-shirt buying

The ~*Future*~
- it’s hard to believe that i’m leaving in less than 5 weeks [4 weeks and 6 days to be exact [34 days] ] for college. i’m not a fan of change, but i think change will be good for me at this point in my life. i’m ready to start fresh [and get away from my homophobic father]
- i’ve been thinking more about marketing…and maybe having a dream of working for the pittsburgh pens in the marketing department…who knows.

okay, i’ve written enough [and buggered you guys enough lol]

I had the opportunity to see one of my favorite bands, Mae, play in a show in my area back in January. While at this show, one of the opening acts was a band from New Jersey, called Steel Train. Of course, because of my musical ignorance, I had never heard of them. They were very…playful and extremely energetic the whole time. They would dance around and jump around, and get the audience involved [even though the majority of the audience had never heard these songs, they were singing along].

After said show, I thought they were alright…then a few weeks later, I just got an inkling to listen to them. I looked them up on myspace, and listened to their page nonstop for the next few days. In the past month, I’ve been basically raiding the internet looking for the cd, <i>Trampoline</i> to download. I finally conceded the other day, and bought the cd. Of course, as soon as i downloaded it [and legally at that!], someone sends me a link to pirate it.

But I have to admit, I’m glad I paid for this cd. These folks should get all the recognition in the world. Its an excellent cd. I think that they have a unique sound. The music is catchy, and the lyrics are pretty good as well. I think its kind of…weird [for lack of a better word] that the lyrics may seem kind of…depressing. but it seems really upbeat if you ignored the lyrics. For instance, in the song “I feel Weird”, it’s quite obvious that the song is talking about 9/11, by listening to the lyrics. but if you just listen to the melody, it makes you want to dance to it.

So yeah. The point is…listen to Steel Train. lol. I have their cd entitled “Trampoline”…you should too! :D

Alfred Kinsey is seen as the father of “sexology”, or studying human sexuality.  This started in the 1930s or so, so he was extremely radical for his time. During his studies, he developed what is called the “kinsey scale”.

This is a scale that measures the sexual orientation of a person. of course, this is very subjective, and is not an actual scale. But basically, it’s a scale from 0-6, with 0 being exclusively heterosexual, and 6 being exclusively homosexual.

I personally believe that the majority population falls somewhere in the middle of this. My personal belief is that even if you say that someone of the same sex is attractive, then you are NOT a 0…even if a girl calls another girl pretty, they are not considered a 0 in my book.

But of course, this is only my opinion. I see nothing wrong with being gay, as I myself consider myself a lesbian.

I’ve always considered myself a 4.75 on the scale…sometimes I think a guy is attractive, but I never thought I’d date one. However, i just recently ended a relationship with Garcia. And with this end, I believe I’m officially shifting my kinsey scale ranking.

So as of May 12,2008, I consider myself a 5 on the kinsey scale.